“They say that Home is Where the
Heart is
- I guess I haven’t found my home”
The
Valentines season - and all the gooey sincere and not-so-sincere sentiment it
brings with it - helped me to re-evaluate my own thoughts on love. Now this is
by no means a put-down of love, committed relationships, marriage or any of
that malarkey. But when cards and songs scream out about ‘Finding The One’, it
suddenly dawned on me that, mercifully, I
don’t need to do that.
And not even
because ‘ I'm okay on my own’ – I'm not. I can admit that I needed saving.
I was made out of love and to
love, by a relational God - I can’t do life without relationships.
However, I
realised recently the incredibly freeing fact that I have already found ‘the One’ – (or we may argue, He found me). I’m not
on the look-out for that ‘special someone’ any more. He came and found me,
loved me when I was unlovely and hated him, and died that I might be able to
enjoy this special relationship with Him. I've never known a love like it, and
never will. I HAVE found my home, my heart does have a resting place and I know
it’s safe in His hands (to quote Phil Wickham).
So whilst I
might see lots of beauty and good things in relationships and marriage, I don’t
need to pine for them as my ‘end goal’. I already have it, that thing that fulfils its promise to satisfy. And I've been promised that I’ll never be separated from this love. WEHEY!! This is
incredible news, surely.
This doesn't mean I'm always happy being single and Do Not want to get married. It’s just
helped me a little to re-evaluate my attitude towards those things. I don’t
need to be pitied by people in relationships (any more than I should pity them)
– we are both blessed. I haven’t ‘pulled the short straw’. In his book The
Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller highlights a number of often-used reasons why
Christian singles are not married. (My favourite is, ‘“As soon as you’re
satisfied with God alone, he’ll bring someone special into your life” – as though
God’s blessings are ever earned by our contentment”).
Keller also quotes
a woman who says,
“I am not single because I am too spiritually unstable to
possibly deserve a husband, nor because I am too spiritually mature to possibly
need one. I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is
his best for me... I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next
couple of years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date...
because God is so good to me” (Paige Benton Brown, in Keller pp 110-111, 119).
This has really
helped me to have a more realistic view of marriage and of singleness. Yes, it’s
hard sometimes when everyone around you appears to be loved-up (in restaurants,
clubs and - my pet peeve - on Underground escalators. Just GET A ROOM)...... anyyywayy.... But it’s also hard for
married people when they want to go out and have a drink with other single
friends, but need to put the washing on for their spouse or look after the
kids. Swings and roundabouts.
Ultimately,
the thing that will keep me going if I'm not feeling so chirpy about
singleness, is that first paragraph – and the love I know I already possess. I don’t require anything more. Maybe a
romantic relationship would be a nice added bonus. But I guess it’s trying to
find contentment in every situation, like Paul says (Philippians 4:11-13). And,
moreover, to trust the one who has freely given me such beautiful and abounding
love, that “I may meet someone and walk down the aisle in the next couple of
years because God is so good to me. I may never have another date... because
God is so good to me”.
For more thoughts on love,
- Read Tim and Kathy Keller, 'The Meaning of Marriage'. It is the best book I have read on relationships, singleness and marriage. It is FANTASTIC. Go read it.
- Check out www.pcpc.org/ministries/singles/singledout.php for Paige Benton Brown's whole article
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